Kyle Boddy dot com

It has only been in the past two days that I have really begun to think about my future outside of Seattle. I would say that most of my identity was formed here - my life has changed so much since I decided to come here almost two years ago to be with Trida. When I think about my future three thousand miles from here, without Trida, I really begin to understand that it would be the end of a major journey for me, concluding in what could only be interpreted as a failure.

Of course, that sounds ridiculous - it's probably not all my fault that the relationship ended, but the fact of the matter is that was the major reason that got me out of Cleveland and into Seattle, and it didn't work out.

When I ended the relationship with Trida, I wasn't very emotional. I thought I could get over it like any of my other relationships. Sure, I cried and was sad after I broke up with my other girlfriends, and I was sad here. However, I could just think ahead towards my best friend's wedding and my role in it, so that helped deflect emotion. After I got back, I focused solely on my business, and had a lot of problems for awhile. That kept me busy and I worked with my head down. Now that things have gotten better, I haven't been working less, but there has been a major burden lifted from my shoulders. Unconsumed by work-related stress, I now have turned my view inward.

It is safe to say that I have felt like absolute shit for the past two days; I think a major reason is because I have only now realized what Trida meant to me, and how devastating the breakup was. Typical of me; I wall off my emotions and deal with them later after all the logical work is done.

I have never felt this unsure about my future than I have right now. Not even when I decided to pack up and leave everything I knew to go to Seattle have I felt this confused, and to be honest, unhappy.

Growing up really sucks.